WHAT I'VE LEARNED FROM TALKING TO PEOPLE

Key Takeaways

what's going on yo welcome back it is July 7th 2017 it is also episode 107 of the Daniel Burke show can you get more ones zeros and sevens in a date or an episode number I do not know my favorite number is 7 I'm going to die man 7 it's just the universe is aligning this was meant to happen number episode 107 was meant to happen on this day and it is a Friday a beautiful Friday it's early afternoon but as you can see it is well as you might not be Odyssey and if you're listening it is a beautiful rainy day here in Brisbane and I'm excited I've got a topic planned today that is really close to my heart I actually had a formative moment the other day walking just I went for a walk like with no technology no no nothing just went for a 20 minute walk down to the waterfront back near my house and I realized one of the things I really enjoy doing is communicating with people on various platforms I think that's probably the reason fundamental reason why I started the podcast why I started a YouTube channel why I started writing it it's communication and so today it's it's Friday of course and it's a new episode of every Friday whether you're watching on YouTube or we're dealing with new podcast thank you for tuning in and introduce you with the last few Friday's it's going to be five minutes a fire so I'm going to set myself a timer and I'm going to go over a topic in five minutes and see how much I can get out I've got a few dot points written down here I'm also sitting here with my pure tea PU - erh as a Chinese black tea with a little bit of green tea and coconut alone their hat tip to Tim Paris for that and sort of water for those on the on the YouTube channel you can see see this combination but for those of a podcast is one of my favorite combinations ever it's a good time but that's going to be given a rest for the next five minutes or so while I talk about this stuff all right five minutes what's today's topic wealth communication I haven't really thought of the exact topic yet it's it's in directly the people with just a few things that I've learned over having conversations with people as you may or may not know I used to work at Apple the retail store and I was a genius there and so what my main role was was interacting with customers day in day out and over the three years or so I was then would have interacted with thousands of customers I had a fairly high customer rating ninety percent or something like that 88 percent average over three years so I don't know I've had a lot of experience talking to people and that it's one of my favorite things to do so I'm just going to share a few things that I use a few techniques or - conversation techniques and unlearn try it out see what you think and yeah that's the main point actually guys is anything I share on this channel whether it be podcast YouTube whatever don't always listen to me listen me and then try it out that's what I try to do with lots of everything that I bring to you is that I I will probably never tell you something that I haven't tried out myself and if I haven't tried it out I will put a massive disclaimer all these things here I've definitely tried out so let's say a lot of five minutes a fire will get the time of going those on the YouTube counter you can see this open the podcast you'll be out of here at soon so five minutes let's go communication so what's tip number one name names is massive so I sort of played a game with myself with because I would see 40 or so custom of the day at Apple or maybe sometimes more it depends on what I was doing I would forget their name so often so often and I used to play like a sir because you can see their name the customer name on the iPad but when you're trying to use it in conversation you don't always get a chance to glance down and and say their name before they notice you're looking at their name so there's no real way sort of that I've found to submit names in in your memory like for me anyway sometimes I go I use their name three times within a minute of meeting them or I'll make a story about their name so it's like day came in and told me about this and is wearing a blue shirt and dave is about six foot tall and dave has blue eyes so subbing whatever name you want there but otherwise it just takes some effort like it like remembering anything like studying like learning like reading if you want to learn anything it takes some effort to commit it to memory so names find a technique that works for you or just use some effort commit that name to memory and trust me it's so much more valuable when you can go back up and so on and say hey Dave it was very nice to meet you so that wasn't one name number two people love to talk about themselves right so if you're stumped two questions just keep asking the person about themselves dig deeper dig deeper like for example I I went to a meet-up last night right and I had no idea I didn't know anyone that was going to be that went to a Brisbane and artificial intelligence meet up shout out to all the guys who work there and I was walking around in the crowd right I didn't know who to talk to I was trying to get my brother's to come with me because I wanted to do notice on there right but I didn't know anyone and they didn't come and they're going by myself and so I walked around on the crowd I ended up running into a person and I just the first thing I said was hi I'm Daniel like just started off and that's another point we'll get to later but I just started off and then it turns out I was speaking to the host of the talk and so I've got a 20-minute one-on-one chat just by asking questions and sort of reiterating what I would say so it went for example you can use this for any situation if you're if someone's telling you about what they do want to ask a question about what they do it seems simple right but what what I found works really well is if they want to tell you a story or tell you something that that you don't know about it's the best way to sort of learn about and ensure that you're listening is to rephrase what they just said in your own words and then they'll they'll critique you or agree with you if you're correct and that leads into a great in-depth conversation and bonus point you get to learn something as well because when you sort of rephrase it in your own words you understand it more right so the way I sort of look at it as well is that every single person you meet is smarter than you and at least one thing so if you can find that one thing you can accelerate your learning extremely fast just by talking with them and so that's number two so people are talking about themselves but make sure you're an active listener so that means questions reiterating what they said and finding out what they're smarter than you at and learning from that because if you find out what they're smelling you at they'll love to talk about it of course because we all have some sort of ego and we all love sort of teaching other people the things that we're passionate about number three warm-up conversations so this is a phone alone so like it like when you go to exercise right each stretching your pump and you get the weight and yet you warm up or you sit in the Sun for a bit you warm up you're not going to go zero to 100 and one go right so if you're going to an event and you know there's going to be a crowd of people there and you're not not sure who you can talk to and you're not you know there's not going to be anyone there that you know someone you've spoken to in the previously call your friend on the way there and have a 10 minute 15 minute conversation before you get to the event right that's what I did I was going to this meetup I knew I wasn't going to know anyone there I haven't spoken to anyone outside of my family all day and so to warm myself up in the conversation I called my best friend we can talk for hours about anything right so it's fun talking to your best friend loner to get to talk to your best friend and also you warm up so you get ready you get ready to converse with other people like you might have been inside of a like me studying like a nerd and you're going into a group like an environment where you're supposed to talk with other people and no changing environment is it's very hard to why not make it easier for yourself by warming up five minutes is over already has to about three or four points but that's alright my show will we'll do the five minutes ah keep it short so yeah warm up conversations warm up talk to your friends that way when you go into the environment you're already excited you've already started talking to someone else and you can take those and just apply it to whoever you want started off started off member that the most important thing is starting out that's going to be another point later on so that was number three warm up conversations number four is the follow up so important right so I turn example at the event I was that there was one hundred plus people and even though I had a 20-minute conversation with the host and he was an awesome guy he is going to be conversing with with everyone else man right so I I made sure like by the end of her by the end of his talk I went up at the end and thanked him and said it was really great to talk to you and whatnot and remind them who you are I did you want to if you want to form a relationship with someone human beings we only have really maximum potential of around 150 people like there's been studies on this and whatnot sort of we were evolved in tribes and things like that and we really can only hold 150 people in memory so if you want to submit yourself as being well in close memory if you limit yourself as being known make sure you follow up the introduction is massively important and the follow up is again even more important or get they get their phone number get their email or something and just remind them a few days later hey this great talk to you yeah the other go talk about something you were talking about alright short and simple keep it short that's what I was going to do with this man with her with a guy I met at the meetup last night because he was an awesome dude so I'm still going to do that part feet ah simple watch it body conversation is mostly body language not just the words and speaking so if someone's closed off they're probably not going to want to talk to you that that's the obvious one like if they're not facing you but a really good one theist feet if their feet are facing you right they are interested in talking to you if their feet are facing away from you probably not that interested in talking to you you should move on that's all right though go to the next one you will find someone is interested in you so that's that's the easy seat so that was number five number six walk instead of sitting or eating before giving a talk so this is somewhat to do with conversations as well but if you're maybe a job interview or something like that or whatever if you have to perform in public I know when I make phone calls I go for walks and whatnot because the brain is far more active when you're walking and plus sitting down you've sort of got nothing else to occupy your brain with you're going to feel all these anxiety thoughts and and eating like if you're eating all of a sudden now your body has to digest food rather than sort of promote itself and talk to a group of people so too many things going on at once and plus like think about it right if you're sitting down being calm and relaxed before your talk and then you get up and you start to talk how do you think you talk to a look you're not going to infinity vibrance you're going to be as if you're sitting down and calm I mean that may be the look you're going for so maybe that's ideal but if you want to be sort of that person who captures the audience's attention I highly recommend going for a walk beforehand if you're making a phone call go for a walk bonus you get physical exercise and your brain is more stimulated there's been studies done on this I don't have the exact figure but the brains were activated after a short 20 minute walk so I know you've got a job interview instead of waiting the lobby maybe you could just go for a 20 minute walk and come back you know try now try now and the final one the hardest part is starting right so that's that's this is not just food communicating or talking with people the hottest part is starting always right and that for example like when I started this podcast I was really really afraid of posting the first episode and when I started writing on medium.com I was really afraid of posting my first article I had like four articles and drafts and didn't want to publish anything because I was worried about what other people think I know I'm going to sound like a broken record but just do it just jump in just do it and it's really like Nikes Nikes motto is just do it for a reason right but the hardest part is done whether it be introducing yourself to someone new getting up and doing a talk doing a podcast even before this podcast right I was doing every single task that you could imagine because I was just facing the resistance of not starting if you haven't heard a resistance a great book is steven pressfield's the war on art amazing book it talks about resistance which is pretty much like that the feeling you get when you're supposed to be doing something but you don't do it so hard as part of starting get started as soon as you get the momentum things will flow ask questions look at the feet follow-up have a warm-up conversation all these things combined makes a great communication they're just some of the things I learned sort of after three and a half years of dealing with customer interactions at Apple as well as sort of doing public speaking in high school and you do I was captain of the debating team I've done 100 this is 107 episodes of podcast now I've interviewed people and done YouTube channels and I'm still unknown next without it I'm mostly doing this like trying to write down what I know because I know in it in a few years time like you forget like 40% of your memories and I don't know I learned exactly it but think about a couple years ago you know nowhere near as much as what you remember of last 12 months right so from the top use the name three times or just commit it to memory put some effort in people are talking about themselves warm up conversations have some fun call a friend and get your get your voice to get talking get talking first follow-up feed walk instead of sitting / eating and the hardest part of starting that's a wrap episode 107 is over I went way over the five minutes of fire but that's alright which I think this is relatively short I don't know the time I can't see it I'm filming on the iPhone when camera is still broken those on YouTube but new lens in down sometime soon thank you so much for watching thank you so much for listening if you want to find me mr. Deever calm my social media is at miss diva everywhere or if you want a newsletter once months for me with a few cool things just to ran a bunch of stuff I found from the internet four or five six bullet points at the most I do it once a month you can sign up on my websites call it a few cool things mr. Deever calm otherwise call someone tell them you love them and all the wait the daily challenge is get walking get talking so the next phone call you have do it while walking will catch you next week