Secret to Attracting Opportunities (as a Software Engineer)

Key Takeaways

in this video I want to talk about the secret weapon to attract more opportunities in life and this word tends to stir up a lot of emotions and people especially in Tech hey if you're new here I'm Jane you're a trusted engineering mentor on this channel I talk about career advice for software Engineers working in Tech if you have been following me you may have seen my article from last Thanksgiving it's called why gratitude is a secret weapon for attracting more opportunities which ranked on the first page of Hacker News for like 3 days straight I was not expecting so many responses but the comments were quite interesting and the discussions on Hacker News got me thinking a lot like what is it with the tech culture that people think kindness is bakery or like why is the tech community so resistance of the idea of kindness and gratitude I believe that gratitude can bring a lot of positive changes in the world especially more so during challenging times 2023 was not an easy year there was all the economic challenges the layoffs and um if you've been following the news a lot of drama happening right now but it's not just a personal belief a lot of scientists consistantly show that gratitude is a powerful tool influencing our mental health our positive outlook for the future as well as attracting opportunities is that so hard to believe first I'm going to share seven Reflections on gratitude and kindness then I'll introduce five tools for practicing gratitude which are tools that I use regularly I want to first start with some definitions kindness versus passive aggressiveness it's really shocking to see people confuse the two things I mean unfortunately there are some truly evil people in the world by evil I mean people who do actually want to manipulate other people for their own agenda according to research about 2 to 4% of population are psychopath but if you feel like more than 4% of people around you are really bad or evil or truly like being fake with you I got to ask ask you are you being too critical when people talk about kindness people generally mean things like being genuinely empathetic to other people people who genuinely care about other people being compassionate understanding you know like treating other people with respect which is very different from fake kindness just remove the word fake in front of kindness then you get the definition like when we're being genuinely kind it's not like we're nice in front of them and then go stab them in the back when they're not looking it's not like that okay number two you are not Steve Jobs whenever we talk about toxic culture or kindness in tech people always talk about Steve Jobs and I got to ask you are you Steve Jobs yes he is known for his harsh feedback but he's the exception not the rule if you're just average plus rude and disrespectful people are not going to respect you and you're probably not going to be successful it's a real turnoff When You're A Jerk Steve Jobs was not successful because he was rude he was successful and he also happened to be rude it is true that some tech companies May reward brilliant jerks over kind people but is pushing other people around like that really sustainable Karma will eventually catch up to you number three confidence versus competence they're very similar words but they're not the same in the tech world it's really hard to measure our work let's say you wrote a thousand lines of code does that mean you're a better software engineer than someone who wrote a 100 lines of code no so often times we end up measuring competence with confidence especially in toxic environment the people with loud voices end up winning when someone sound so confident our minds kind of want to believe that they are also competent but you got to understand just because you're very confident it doesn't mean you're good at your job and vice versa loudest people are not always the smartest people number four toxic positivity versus toxic Tech culture being grateful doesn't mean that you need to avoid all bad feelings it's natural for people to feel bad or sad but it's not okay to take it out on other people if you feel like you must be rude in order to be authentic with yourself it's time to think about your communication skills being rude is actually a sign of weakness and insecurity by refusing kindness you're actually hurting yourself and cutting off other people which leads to my my next Point number five gratitude and kindness is a skill if being rude is really genuinely the only way that you can be honest I do really encourage you to practice gratitude it is a skill that you can learn you can find ways to be honest and authentic while being kind and grateful it's kind of like wearing a different set of glasses or lenses to see the world being grateful doesn't mean that you must be grateful for every single thing that happens in your life no but you also don't have to let negative thoughts take over you instead you can choose to focus on what's going well or what you like about situations if you pay attention there are many things that we can be grateful for and this is a skill that you can cultivate you can not only cultivate it but it's also spreadable kindness is contagious if you are kind to other people you can brighten up someone else's day and maybe Inspire them to also extend kindness to other people around them in Asian cultures there's a concept of chi or G is this energy that can bring in friends or luck or you know good colleagues or good managers that you work with or even open doors and opportunities for you so take a moment to spread the Good Will to others around you that leads to number seven embracing gratitude taking these little moments to be grateful can change how you think about the world I'm a big fan of eart tole and in his book The Power of Now he said realize deeply that the present moment is all you have make the now the primary focus of your life embracing gratitude as your secret weapon makes it easier to enjoy the present moment and attract more positive change in life okay so how do we practice gratitude in everyday life here are some tools to get you started the basic idea of gratitude Journal is that you just take a moment in your day to think about all the things that you can be grateful for I used to have a journal dedicated for disg gratitude and I would try to sit at the end of the day to think of three things that I am grateful for you can take the approach of coming up with a list or you can also take the more open-ended approach and journal it out or you can also look for resources on prompted gratitude journaling online so experiment with different methods to see which works for you number two is volunteering at a local charity helping others is a really great way to find gratitude in our lives so find a local charity or you can help a friend or a family member just the act of giving and helping others can really bring joy I sometimes volunteer at a local food bank or a shelter nearby and especially because I sit at my desk most of the day it's really nice to go outside be active and engage it really helps me get out of my mental space and think differently and similar to journaling you might want to try out um volunteering at different types of organizations or charity until you find the one that really works for you number three is loving kindness meditation there's a lot of research that talks about the benefits of loving kindness meditation and luckily since Co a lot of these meditation resources have been um available online there are many different types of loving kindness meditation but there's one that I like to do where you start with phrases like may I be well may I be healthy may I be at peace then once you start getting in the zone of wishing you well you start to extend it to the people around do and then maybe extend it to people who you don't really know strangers in the world I used to do this a lot when I was feeling stressed out or frustrated at work and I found it really helpful to wish people Goodwill so if you've never tried it before give it a shot number four is random acts of kindness even if you're feeling really low doing these small simple acts can really help you bring a little light into your day you can do something nice for a stranger or a friend it will probably lift your mood and the other person's mood as well you can start small little things matter start with a family member or if it's easier you can start with a stranger too compliment someone or send a thank you message which is my next tip send messages of gratitude you can show that you're feeling Greatful for someone's help or kindness by sending a quick message especially during the holidays it's a perfect time the tip is don't overthink it just send a simple not thank you send emails texts postcards letters whatever is convenient for you think about anyone who's made a difference in your life and that is a wrap for today let me know in the comments what is your favorite way of practicing gratitude I hope that we can spend the rest of the year thinking about supporting each other and shifting our narratives and if you found this video helpful also check out this video see you at the next [Music] one