The Question I Ask Difficult Students

Key Takeaways

One of the most powerful questions I've ever asked a student is, "Did I do anything to make you feel some type of way?" Most teachers, when students start acting differently or difficultly, usually start with like, "What's wrong with you? Why are you acting like this? What happened?" But what I've learned over the years is by starting off at least with questions like this, it puts kids in defense mode. And to be honest, sometimes it's not what happened at home or it's not what happened with another student, it's what happened with me. Sometimes it's cuz I embarrassed a kid without knowing about it. Sometimes they had their hand up 15 times and I just kept ignoring them or I told them I'd be back and I wasn't or I told them they could go to the bathroom in 10 minutes and I forgot to give them the pass. This one question changes the conversation because it changes the vibe of the whole environment. Typically, when you pull a kid aside or when you ask them to step in the hallway, they think that they are about to get in trouble. And little did they know that you're coming to them first with a question that's going to change everything by asking them if you did something that may have caused the behavior that they are displaying in class. And in this moment, we get to model for our students what it looks like to take responsibility, to apologize and ask for forgiveness, and to always start conversations with curiosity over condemnation. The fastest way to build trust with students is not about being perfect. It's about being humble enough to ask if you got something wrong.