I don't have crippling Anxiety, but Anxiety is crippling me

From the outside in, people think that I've got it going on. I grew up poor, and I was an awkward shy kid, and - a few decades later - by any measure I am living the American dream. With hard work I put myself through college at night, survived divorce, lay-off, and more. When I was 18 almost as a joke I started a little FUN project that ended up as a mildly successful company with a small exit. Then I follow the college-job route, here and there thinkering with entrepreneurship, but while I was not longer socially shy/awkward my ventures often were relinquished to lists, or just acquiring a domain (at one point I owned >200 domains), or building a sucky web site, or filing a provisional patent, but I was "marketing shy", I never put myself out there, or at times I hid behind some excuse that I know now they were lame AF: "I need 20 million dollars in VC to make it happen". Plot twist, once I got a meeting with a VC I blew it off with an excuse. Even at